An Orc, a gnome and a rabbit.... Part 1

[Zicha]

((I was organizing some of my writings in my files and look what I found!!! Kerrig and I had a little fun with x-faction RP before I came hordeside. We ran this storyline in the TB forums in fall 2006 and never finished it. At the time it was something different than some of the deep and dramatic threads on the forums, it was supposed to be light-hearted and fun. He started it, without me knowing, with a thread simply titled, "Dear Shivers....". After that we would post off each other not knowing what the other is going to post ahead of time...so it just evolved on improv and was a lot of fun for both of us. The parts Kerrig wrote will say his authorship in the beginning of the post. Kerrig, I only have a copy of the first letter you wrote, do you have the rest of the parts you wrote saved somewhere? I will post what I have in the order I remember. Hope you all like it. ))

As posted by Kerrig. Orc warrior from Hammer of the Ancients. The title of the post is simply, "Dear Shivers..."

"Perhaps I shall try this "dark" humor Yagrek told me about. And it seems to me that people always say that gnomes are funny creatures. Hmm... I know a gnome I can play a joke on."

Kerrig had always been a very serious minded Orc. The life of a warrior, and as a peon miner before then, did not lend itself to the more light-hearted times in life. Indeed, his fellow Hammers, while a stern group, had always said that he should lighten up. Yagrek, one of the leaders of the Hammers, tried to explain how life is not always work, and that Kerrig should learn to laugh more. While Kerrig sometimes thought that Yagrek was doing this just so Yagrek could hear himself talk and lecture, he knew that his good friend was trying to help. And the topic of humor appealed to him. He was determined to make people laugh.

He sat down and started to write a letter to his friendly adversary, Shivers Copperpot. While they had first met on the fields of battle, they had somehow gained for each other a mutual respect. Recently he saw that she was selling rabbits on the open markets of Gadgetzan, and had purchased one as a pet. But now he saw it as a way to play a joke. He sat down and started to write.

"Dear Shivers,

Thank you for selling that excellent rabbit. It was most delicious. I was quite hungry after mining in Un'Goro, and when I saw that plump rabbit, I knew he would hit the spot. He roasted quite well. Thank you again, and if you have more rabbits, I would be glad to purchase them to eat."

-Kerrig

He went and mailed the letter, and came back to his room. He chuckled as he saw his rabbit, scratched behind his ears, and gave him a carrot.

"I don't know doc, seems like a mean trick to me..."

"Hmm.. perhaps you are right. I will right another letter to let her know that you were not eaten.... Wait, did you just talk?"

The rabbit scampered away.

[Zicha]

((I was going through an old flash drive and I found some more of this xfaction story that Kerrig and I did. Here is part 2, which was Shivers response to "Dear Shivers...". ))

Small figure enveloped in cloth with only goggles peeking through on the face, rides into Gadgetzan on an over-heating mechanostrider. The walls surrounding the small outpost seem to be holding the majority of the twisting sands of the sandstorm at bay. The mechanostrider comes to a creaking halt in front of the forge. Shivers pulls the hood from her face and lets out a hacking cough. The goblin nearby turns at the sound and waves a friendly hello. Shivers nods at Marin and tells him she will be stopping in shortly to purchase some more of that crazy elixir of his. She hops of the strider, casting a swirl of dust all around her as she hits the ground. The goblin near the forge coughs and waves his hands in front of his face to clear the air.

“Sorry about that,” Shivers says apologetically. “It’s been a dusty journey and I and my mechanostrider are in need of some water.” She gestures to the steam pouring out its beak. She reaches down and pulls its foot up and cranks a gear near its ankle. She gestures to the goblin to come in for a closer look.

“She could use a little oil too,” she explains as she tries to free up the bolt. “If you will see to this, I will compensate you for your time and supplies. In the meantime, I would like to have something to eat and check my mail.”

She hands over the key and some spare parts and heads over to the inn. She pulls her goggles to her chin; her face is clean except for the dirt outlining her eyes and the upper half of her cheeks. A troll sitting outside the inn seems to find this amusing and chuckles as she walks by.

“Hey there, Buzzek. Whassup?!,” she asks the goblin near the mailbox, playfully imitating his usual greeting.

“The usual, Mrs. Copperpot,” he replies, grinning. “I got what you need!”

She chuckles as she starts to open her mail. She tosses aside the junk mail. The return addresses and catchy messages on the envelopes are the usual garbage: “0% financing and no closing costs, from Ironforge Mutual”; new mechanostrider policy, “Your in good hands with AllZone”; and of course, the no hassle, 10% APR, “What’s in your traveler’s pack?”, Centurion One credit cards.

She comes to an odd piece of rolled parchment with only the words, “Shivers” on the front. She opens the letter and begins to read as Buzzek starts tinkering with a new device near her. He is carefully installing a fragile piece of fused wiring when he jumps at the cry coming from the little gnome next to him. He frowns and sighs as he sees his wiring has just split in half.

“How could he?!!,” Shivers cries out as she starts to stomp off toward the auction house. Her face is furrowed in frustration as she mumbles to herself, everyone she passes getting little hints of what she is saying.

“I never...”
“Roasted?!”
“He is in so much trouble!”
She marches down the stairs, her small frame amazingly making a lot of noise as she descends. She heads right towards Beardo, who flinches a bit when he sees the look in her eyes. She waves the note in his face and he takes a step back.

“Do you see this?!,” she demands as she puts one hand on her hip and holds the letter up for him to read. The goblin slowly puts on his spectacles and carefully reads the letter. He gulps nervously, removes his spectacles and takes a deep breath. He grins quite politely and puts on his best sales face.

‘Mrs.…Copper…pot,” he says slowly and calmly all the while his teeth gleaming in a wide grin. His pronunciation of every ‘T’ he says is crisp and clear. His ‘esses’ hiss through his teeth like hot steam seething from a pressured water pipe.

“I do not understand why you are so upset,” he shrugs. “You brought those rabbits in for sale through our Auction House service and they sold. Are you not satisfied with the terms of service?”

Shivers wrinkles her brow and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath, opens her eyes and leans in close.

“I clearly marked those crates, “NOT FOR CONSUMPTION”,” she says calmly but firmly. “How…may I ask, did these bunnies end up as an orc snack?!”

Beardo blinks but says nothing. He takes another step back as Shivers leans in closer, her hand on her hip, the letter clutched in her right hand.

“Well?,” she taps her foot. “I’m waiting.”

A wide, nervous smile appears on his face as he gulps and replies. He composes himself and gently puts his hands on her shoulders to make more space between them.
“Heh...Mrs. Copperpot,” he soothingly replies. “I am not responsible for what my customers do after they purchase the items listed through our auction house.” He turns her about by her shoulders and gently pushes her toward the stairs. She tries to turn and sputters a few ‘b,buts’, but Beardo nods and talks over her about market prices, fluctuations and trends. He pats her on the back as she takes her first step up the stairs.

“Now, don’t forget about our “no returns policy’ when purchasing consumable items. We had quite the mess to clean up after some orcs last year thought they could return some spoiled fish they ate.” He makes a disgusted look and shakes his head. He grins at her and waves her up the stairs. “Looking forward to more of your business, Mrs. Copperpot,” he smiles, still waving. “Now go have a nice meal at the inn, compliments of the auction house.”

Shivers starts to raise her hand in protest, with the letter clenched in it, but stops as she watches the goblin turn away and disappear back to the auction block. She sighs and begins the climb up the last few steps.

She stops dead in her tracks her eyes light up. “Compliments of the auction house you say?” she says out loud to herself as a wicked grin spreads across her face. “Hmm…that gives me an idea.” She hops up the rest of the stairs, grabbing a stone rune out of her pocket. As the shimmering, purple light of her portal begins to fade into the dust, it casts a fading shadow on a crumpled letter left at the top of the stairs.

[Zicha]

A breeze kicks up a small tumbleweed and sends it into the face of a snoring gnome sitting on the ground. He is leaning with his back to a gear box that is covered in various buttons and levers. He sleepily swats the tickling weed from his face, never opening his eyes. He shifts his seat and snorts, crossing his arms on his chest and settles back into a deep snore.
He jumps up at the sound of gears grinding and the flashing of lights as the transporter flares to life. He scrambles up and pulls a lever in response to a button flashing on the gear box. He wipes his eyes and pulls on his goggles. He focuses his attention on the glowing platform and waits. There is a panel that displays symbols in the shape of a gnome, tauren, etc. A box outlines the symbols, indicating “with cargo” if the box outline is lit up.
The box symbol has lit up with the gnome symbol inside. A blinking light above the platform turns from red to green. In response to the light change, he pulls a lever back and pushes a button marked, “Incoming”. The gears spin faster and the platform light glows brighter. There is a bright flash and the gears wind down to a halt. When the steam dissipates, the gnome removes his goggles and stares at the metal-bound box that has appeared. There is no gnome in sight, only the box which has begun to hop around on the platform. He shrugs and reaches down to pick up the box.

______________________________

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“wherrrrrrrrrre...............issssssssss..........thaaaaaaaaaaat.............featherrrrrrrrrrrrrr?!”

THUMP!

A plume of sand rises into the air from impact. The waves gently splash against the docks in the seaside port, as a goblin looks up from her sewing and watches the figure lying on the ground. The small frame sits up and spits out a mouthful of sand. She lets out a hacking cough that scatters the sand off out of her mussed hair. She groans and pulls a seashell from her face and rubs the spot that it hit. Or rather, where she hit it. She is grumbling and muttering under her breath. She grabs her backpack and looks at the ground around her. Her eyes widen when she sees only empty sand around her.

“Oh!!,” she jumps up. “I hope at least the box made it to Gadget!”

She hops up, dusts off her clothes and slings her pack over her shoulder. The trots off to the west, toward Gadgetzan. The goblin near the dock shrugs and goes back to her sewing.

________________________________

“Ack!!!,” Shivers hollers. ‘Jhordy, don’t touch that!”

Shivers races over to the transporter and tackles the bouncing box near the platform.
“Mrs. Copperpot,” Jhordy smiles. He jumps away just in time as Shivers launched herself on to the box.


“Th..is....is...v..er..y...f,f..ra..g,g..ile,” she blurts out, bouncing up and down trying to keep the box from moving.

Jhordy keeps smiling but his face becomes puzzled as he looks at her face.
“What happened to your face, Shivers?” he asks gesturing to the scalloped-shaped bruise surrounding her left eye and cheek.

“W,h..at....arrr...y,yoooo...t.aal...king...ab,bou...” she stammers as she bounces by.

Jhordy steps back and lets gnome and box bounce by toward the inn. He shakes his head and sits down, with his back against the gear box and is soon fast asleep.

Shivers finally comes to a screeching halt as the box wedges itself between the mailbox and the inn wall. She hops off the box and grabs some paper from her backpack. She sits with her back against the box and pulls out her journal and quill. Between the random thumping of the box she writes as quickly as she can.

“Whatcha got in that box, Mrs. Copperpot,” Buzzek asks strolling up to her, after watching the rodeo display of her box-riding.

Shivers elbows the box and yells over her shoulder, “Keep quiet for a moment.” The box stops moving.

She answers the goblin, never looking up from her letter, “Oh, nothing, really. Just a fire imp. A thank you gift to one of my best customers.”

Buzzek’s eyes move from the jerking box to the maniacally, grinning gnome. “Thank you gift,” he asks and shrugs. “What do you send your WORST customers?”

Shivers’ ignores his comment and her grin widens as she writes:

Dear Kerrig,

To show my appreciation to you as my most valued customer, please accept this complimentary rabbit. This is one of the finest rabbits ever raised on Amberstill Ranch. They assured me of the fine quality of both its fur and weight. I think you might find it quite appealing.
As always, I thank you for your continued support in purchasing my fine selection of rabbits. Please also consider my line of fireworks for your future celebratory needs.

Sincerely,

Shivers Copperpot


She rolls up the parchment and attaches it to the metal strap securing the box. It is addressed simply to: Kerrig, Orgimmar, Durotar OPEN IMMEDIATELY

She lifts the box up to drop it in the mail box and the box jerks suddenly and falls out of her grasp. It hits the ground with a loud thud and a chattering angrily from inside. A stream of smoke seeps out the seams of the box. She reaches to pick it up, flinches and drops the box again...the chattering increases. She puts her scorched fingers in her mouth in reflex.

“Owie!!!,” she says, talking to the box. “Hold tight in there. No need to get all fired up just yet.” She giggles at herself. “Hehe...fired...up. That’s good!” She grins wickedly and then quickly scrawls some more words on the side: “Shake Well Before Opening”. She flashes her hands over the box, a cold sheen encases the box and the chattering quiets down.

“That should hold you, at least until you get to Durotar. That should give you just enough to build up some steam for your recipient,” she chuckles to herself. She lifts up the box and drops it in the mail box.

“Build up steam....hehe....I swear, I crack myself up sometimes,” she giggles to herself as she sits down at the table for dinner at the inn.

[Salthair]

Such memories. I too was constantly misplacing feathers.

[Kerrig]

((you know, it's time to finish up this story. Next part is mine!))

Smoke, and not a few small fires, filled the room. Kerrig blinked multiple times, trying to get the soot out of his eyes. He picked his way across the broken furniture of the room (luckily, being Horde, there were no chairs to break), to a small wash basin. He splashed some water on his face and tried to clean the soot from his face with a shirt sleeve.

"What was that, Doc?". The bunny peaked his head out from under some broken furniture.

"A Fire Imp. And it caught me unaware." Kerrig looked around the wreckage in the room. "But I prevailed."

"You sure did, Doc. " , the bunny chimed in, "But what's this?"

Kerrig walked over and picked up a half burnt note by the broken delivery box. He opened the note and scanned it. He mumbled, " valued customer... gift.... rabbit.... Shivers Copperpot... Shivers sent me another rabbit, because she values me as a customer!".

"Another rabbit. Hmmm wonder if it was a sexy lady rabbit... wait, what are you doing, Doc?"

Kerrig had gone to the wall, and took down a very large axe. "Those goblins in Gadgetzan. They either switched out my rabbit with the imp, or put it in there to eat my rabbit. I am going there to "talk" with them about this." Kerrig smiled a very toothy grin and walked towards the door. "And how is it you can talk?".

The bunny hid under some furniture. After Kerrig left, the rabbit exclaimed, "Oh yeah, he's going to Gadget with an axe. This will not turn out well."